Emotion
by xXxPadfootxXx
Summary: A collection of songfics about the characters of Rurouni Kenshin, and very emotional moments. Chapter Two, My ImmortalAt Tomoe's grave, is up.
1. Going Under or Misao's Anger

Emotions  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the RK characters, or Evanescence's song Going Under. But I do wish I did! -sighs-  
  
Chapter One: Going Under/Misao's Anger  
  
Brief Summary of Chapter: Misao, after Aoshi leaves her, finds herself filled with rage on a stormy night. Much sadness and anger in this chapter.  
  
Warning: Slight room violence from Misao. Slight Profanity.  
  
Remember to read the note at the bottom, incase you get confused about the contents. Review!  
  
*** *** ***  
  
(((Now I will tell you what I've done for you.  
  
50 thousand tears I've cried.  
  
Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you.  
  
And you still won't hear me.)))  
  
Makamachi Misao sniffed as she lay on her futon, a tear rolling down her cheek. Outside, rain pounded on the roof, a pitter-patter so steady it was like the beating of a drum.  
  
She was sad. So sad.  
  
Aoshi didn't love her after all. He left her. He didn't care if she lived or died. He didn't care.  
  
So many years of hero worship and a crush that had blossomed into a deep love for Shinomori Aoshi. He was supposed to love her back, but he didn't. He just DIDN'T!  
  
They were supposed to fall in love, and become married. He would be her knight in shining armor. She would be a loving, spunky wife who he could tell how much he loved her without a thought.  
  
It should have happened THAT WAY!  
  
With an enraged scream, she threw the pillow she had been clutching. It bounced harmlessly off the wall. Sobs came in torrents like the fierce rain, wails like the wind. The cover of storm stopped the other members of the household from hearing her wild cries.  
  
It was then it hit her. She wasn't sad. She was angry.  
  
That bastard had left what could have worked! He was the cause of all her pain!  
  
For a moment, her love for him stopped, and flickered, then faded.  
  
She didn't want him. She would never want him! He wouldn't hurt her again.  
  
(((Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself.  
  
Maybe I'll wake up for once.  
  
Not tormented daily defeated by you.  
  
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom,  
  
I'm dying again)))  
  
She was a small girl by birth, but this didn't stop her as she pounded against he wall with her fists. She could feel the sturdy material cracking under her punches.  
  
Misao felt Aoshi streaming through her blood, killing her, drowning her with her every memory of him.  
  
"He's going to kill me!" She yelled into the wall, and felt a warm liquid trickle down her wrists. Red.  
  
Snarling, she slammed her bare foot onto a low-slung wooden table. It creaked and snapped in half.  
  
Aoshi's face was a constant picture in her mind. She couldn't get him to leave.  
  
"Leave me the fuck alone!" She howled, grabbing her hair and pulling on it.  
  
(((I'm going under.  
  
Drowning in you.  
  
I'm falling forever.  
  
I've got to break through.  
  
I'm going under.)))  
  
He had left her standing there, alone and cold, with her grandfather's half dead body lying behind her. Cold, icy eyes. Absorbing her soul. Taking away her strength, like a vampire sucking away at a person's blood.  
  
She could feel her mind echoing her words, "Lord Aoshi..."  
  
Then, his spite like venom.  
  
Struggling, she slammed against her wall blindly, grabbing a piece of the broken table wood to keep herself from crashing. A painting hanging on the wall fell to the ground as she ran like a wounded animal around the room.  
  
Misao didn't know where she was, WHO she was. What was the truth and what was the lies. Had Aoshi ever told her lies? Was everything he ever said a lie? Was everything he ever said the truth? What was the truth? She didn't know anymore.  
  
Didn't know anything.  
  
(((Blurring and stirring, the truth and the lies.  
  
So I don't know what's real and what's not.  
  
Always confusing, the thoughts in my head,  
  
So I can't trust myself anymore.  
  
I'm dying again.)))  
  
She could feel herself falling, tripping, stumbling, till eventually her body met the floor.  
  
Curling into a fetal position, she cursed the leader to Hell, wishing for him to never return to her. She never wanted to see him again, because he never wanted to see her again. And that would be fine. She didn't care. She never really cared. Misao had always just been a little girl, with a little girl's crush. She didn't need him. She could live without him.  
  
But...  
  
(((I'm going under.  
  
Drowning in you.  
  
I'm falling forever.  
  
I've got to break through.)))  
  
Who would be there to save her from herself?  
  
Her sobs came heavier as she stared blankly ahead, rocking back and forth a little as Aoshi stared at her through her thoughts.  
  
"Lord Aoshi...why did you leave me here?" Came a choked whisper as the girl shivered.  
  
There was no way he could ever love her. But even if he could, would she love him back, after he turned his back on her like she was worthless?  
  
(((So go on and scream.  
  
Scream at me I'm so far away.  
  
I won't be broken again.  
  
I've got to breathe.)))  
  
"I will wait." She concluded softly, lowering her head, thick black bangs covering her eyes. A single tear dropped down onto the floor, the last one of the night.  
  
"I will wait for you, Aoshi. Come back to me."  
  
(((I can't keep going under.)))  
  
*** *** ***  
  
A/N: This isn't my best story, and it's angsty and kind of OC, but you know, I really want to portray my emotions that I feel through characters. This takes place right after Aoshi ditches Misao and hurts her grandfather, and she's seriously sad, but sadness turns to anger, and a pissed off Misao is having some issues with thinking clearly, and feels the need to take out her rage on the poor wall and table. In the end, it becomes sadness again, as she realizes through her rage, she still loves Aoshi, and although they may never become what she had dreamed about, she will wait for him. 


	2. My Immortal or At Tomoe's Grave

Emotion  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own RK, or the song My Immortal by Evanescence.  
  
Chapter 3: My Immortal/At Tomoe's Grave  
  
Brief Summary: On the last day at Kyoto, Kenshin visit's Tomoe's grave, and comes to terms with her and her death.  
  
Warning: None, except very sad stuff.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
(((My immortal.  
  
I'm so tired of being here,  
  
Suppressed by all of my childish fears.)))  
  
"Ten years." Himura Kenshin whispered softly as he stared at the weather beaten tombstone before him. The rain pounded slowly onto the ground. It had faded into a drizzle that morning, but was enough to make the rurouni wet.  
  
Etched on roughly, was a single word.  
  
Tomoe.  
  
No other words. Just a simple 5 letters.  
  
But they meant more to Kenshin then the entire alphabet.  
  
She was the reason he had forever avoided Kyoto for so long. Painful memories, bringing pain to others. But it was Tomoe that had stopped him from returning. The fear that somehow she would still be here, and accuse him. But, the mere memory of him made him afraid.  
  
But the fear was conquered, perhaps. He was here.  
  
"Your gone Tomoe...but I can feel you everywhere. I see your face with every thought, every step I see you. I'm sorry." He whispered softly, hesitantly reaching out to touch the cold stone.  
  
"Sometimes I wish you would leave me alone....but I don't want you to other times. I'm so confused."  
  
(((And if you have to leave  
  
I wish that you would just leave  
  
'Cause your presence still lingers here  
  
And it won't leave me alone.)))  
  
"I hurt you." Kenshin's voice was choked, "I hurt you so badly. Why am I the one who feels the pain? I was Battousai. I killed so many, and felt nothing. But after ten years, I still cannot accept the fact I killed you."  
  
He clenched his fist, squeezing his eyes shut, "God, it hurts so bad!"  
  
(((These wounds won't seem to heal  
  
This pain is just too real  
  
There's just too much that time cannot erase)))  
  
He opened them, and felt his thick red hair matted to his face, covering the cross shaped scar. How he wanted to erase time, and stop her from getting in the way of his blow! But you cannot change the past, and you cannot bring a person back to life. That's the way things were.  
  
"My life has been bad luck, Tomoe. Except when I met you."  
  
He smiled softly, "I wished we could have spent an eternity together. I could have made you happy. You made me happy. So happy, Tomoe. I would have been your hero. I should have been your hero. I should have saved you."  
  
The rurouni pressed his palm against the moist earth, "I'm no hero to you."  
  
(((When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
  
I held your hand through all of these years  
  
But you still have  
  
All of me)))  
  
Looking back up, he cocked his head, breathing out a little sigh, "God...I live at the dojo now, with Miss Kaoru. I'm a peaceful wanderer now, that I am...Sano, Yahiko, Megumi, Kaoru, they don't know how I feel. They think of me as Kenshin. But you knew me as Battousai. And I regret that every day."  
  
"They have no idea of the nightmares I suffer from every night. They don't know how it feels to wake up every morning and know that you have a bloody past you wish you could forget. Sano may. He has his own memories of the revolution. But he will never understand what I do through, day by day."  
  
He coughed gently, "I love you, Tomoe, but at the thought of you, my mind takes two sides and I cannot choose if I'd want to forget you, or bask in the memories we had."  
  
(((You used to captivate me  
  
By your resonating life  
  
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
  
Your face it haunts  
  
My once pleasant dreams  
  
Your voice it chased away  
  
All the sanity in me)))  
  
"But I know what I must do now." He said, and placed his hand out once again to rest on the stone, warm hand meeting cold rock.  
  
"I am dying, but alive, Tomoe. I will keep living."  
  
(((These wounds won't seem to heal  
  
This pain is just too real  
  
There's just too much that time cannot erase)))  
  
"I will accept your death, but I will always keep you near."  
  
(((When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
  
I held your hand through all of these years  
  
But you still have  
  
All of me)))  
  
"I will keep living for you, that I will. You will always be with me Tomoe."  
  
The rurouni bent his head down, and murmured a silent prayer for the woman he lost. The seconds ticked into minutes, into an eternity of steady raindrops.  
  
"Kenshin..."  
  
(((I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
  
But though you're still with me  
  
I've been alone all along)))  
  
Hiko's voice behind him was soft, unlike the usual gruff sarcasm. The former manslayer did not turn around. They both acknowledged each other without words. Hiko stood still behind him, as Kenshin finished his prayer, and stood up.  
  
Bending down, he placed a flower at the base of the stone, and turned to face his master, who sighed a little.  
  
The two men started out of the grave site. Yet, before Tomoe's grave faded into the drizzle, Kenshin turned, red bangs swishing into his violet eyes, as he mouthed three little words.  
  
(((When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
  
I held your hand through all of these years  
  
But you still have  
  
All of me)))  
  
"I love you."  
  
*** *** ***  
  
A/N: This chapter is basically my version of what happened at Tomoe's grave in that episode of RK. I know it's not correct, and I changed a lot, but I like this. It's depressing. Depressing is good.  
  
And to my one reviwer...-drumroll-  
  
-tackles- I love you!  
  
The End...  
  
Sneak Preview for Chapter Three!  
  
... But he had once told himself he would never say goodbye to her. It was when he had said on that day she learned he was Battousai, that he may just leave one day. Yet in his heart, he felt the Kamiya dojo would be his true home, and it was a true home, and it would always be one.  
  
So why was he leaving it behind?  
  
Why was he leaving her behind?  
  
(((I'll never leave you behind Or treat you unkind I know you understand And with a tear in my eye Give me the sweetest goodbye That I ever did receive)))...  
  
Dundundun!!!! 


End file.
